Please note: Only episodes from the first two seasons will be listed. No episodes from seasons 3-4 will be on here disregarding how bad most of them were; I wanted to focus on the first run.
5. Figure not Included
This one’s stuck in the middle of two huge classic episodes of this series.
Dexter builds some Major Glory action figures to impress a group of no good brats.
Major Glory steps in just as soon as the brats get ready to torture Dexter only to drag him to his attorney for some major pain in teaching him a lesson in copyright infringement. Dexter never sold the action figures and had no intention of doing so anyway so how’d he break the law there?
One of the brats says to (I’m not kidding) “LYNCH” Dexter for the defective action figures. Why of all words? Wash that brat’s mouth out with detergent or something, will ya?
Rating: 5/10 – Average
4. Filet of Soul
Much like Figure Not Included, this one’s more opinionated. I like a scary episode but this one isn’t scary, it’s just stupid. Dexter and Dee Dee wear a fish out way too much to the point where it blows a fuse and actually dies.
The rest of the episode is a half-ass parody of Poltergeist (you want to see a good parody of that, go see Petergeist from Family Guy).
Also Dexter’s dad talks about this “sewer of beyond” where all the insignificant tiny pets end up. A 45ish year old man crying over a dead fish? Getting real close to being as ridiculously stupid as the Speedy episode from Recess, aren’t we?
The ending was still good though but why does everyone like this one? I kind of wish this was more of like losing a cat or even a bird, then it would be combination of the Raven/Black Cat and Poltergeist.
As a whole I never liked this one when I was younger and I still don’t.
Rating: 5/10 – Average
3. The Old Switcharooms
Dexter and Dee Dee accidentally destroy their dad’s trophy and get sent to their rooms oppositely.
Under belief that Dee Dee’s going to destroy the lab, Dexter gives her a taste of her own medicine and wrecks her room. Then Dexter gets put in a doghouse.
Stupid as fuck and not funny.
Rating: 4/10 – Poor
2. Dexter Detention
Okay now we’re getting in to the real shit storm here. In-between this and the previous episode mentioned above, there would be a glut of seasons 3-4 episodes.
Basically some dumbass student keeps harassing Dexter (Dexter should’ve told him to shut up and leave him alone.) until he gives him the answer to a question because he was too busy rubbing his foreskin in class and snorting bad quality cocaine. Rather than punish the instigator, Dexter is booked at a five-star hotel known as detention. The episode delves into being a boring torture porn over Dexter getting thrown in the box, which gives Dexter the idea to break out. This fails miserably as the escapees end up in actual prison.
On a personal note, detention is a shitty punishment (not as bad as corporal punishment) especially when it can also lead to prevention of being allowed to go to something like prom or a homecoming football game, and it should be illegal to keep kids after school as punishment. I mean Bart in the Simpsons was given a month of detention so I didn’t feel bad about Edna getting pranked. Goes to show how fucked up the public school system is, eh? Not saying schools shouldn’t discipline students, but anyway sorry if this is on an unrelated note but just wanted to get that out of my head. This one might be due for a full page.
Rating: 1.5/10 – Rancid
1. Dexter vs. Santa’s Claws
I had to give this one the number one spot for being a huge fuck up. Yeah I mentioned Dexter Detention was a close call but this was even worse. Even if I would’ve put episodes from seasons 3 and 4 this still would’ve been the worst (well maybe the one with Dexter’s Dad at the golf course would’ve overtook this).
Dexter does some shitty rapping (No Dexter, you are not the ghost of Tupac) saying how Santa doesn’t exist. Later he shoots down Santa’s sleigh, implying that it’s dad’s car and thinks the reindeer is his mother. Did Dexter make meth while in his lab or something?
Santa himself talks like a barking dog. He just says “Ho Ho Ho” throughout the whole episode until the very end.
The biggest kick in the nuts for this episode is the ending where Santa outright answers Dexter’s question about what Christmas about. His response? “The presents.” Maybe that was supposed to be a joke but the way the episode ends with that doesn’t exactly sound like a joke.
That same issue also popped up in a Teen Titans Go episode where Santa also says Christmas is nothing without presents.
Rating: 1/10 – Rancid
