Ah Family Guy and pirates – a combination that works like peanut butter and jelly or Abbott and Costello. So what’s the catch with this one? I’ll just start off with a glaring problem.

The belief is that according to the synopsis, Peter’s plot was the main focus. You want to know how many minutes of this 22 minute episode involve pirate action?

Four. Just four minutes – that’s even less than the pirate Yosemite Sam cartoons from the Looney Tunes. They siege Mort’s Pharmacy, hijack a British man’s shipment… and that’s it. The parrot is somehow mortally wounded and is “euthanized” by the vet.
Given the promo art it would appear that the audience was lied to, which is disgraceful.

Is anything else of the episode any good? Not necessarily. I mean Brian gets tortured, so if you hate Brian in newer episodes, well this might be soothing to you but it’s not like Brian deserved any of this in this episode. Peter tells Chris to be a dick to Anna and that causes them to break up. Peter gives Chris a dead bull frog and the episode DRAGS with this scene. Some people find that scene funny, but I don’t.

If it were up to me for writing the episode, I would’ve stuck with perhaps having the break up still exist, but have a rival pirate captain and his crew steal Anna and this would send Peter back to being a pirate and slaughtering the enemy pirates and the captain. Around this point in the show’s lifespan, they’ve already had three encounters with the chicken – why not at least have something of that caliber for this one? Hell even if it was just another chicken fight I’d still be sold on it!

Rating: 3/10 – Bad

Long John Peter is in a realm with SpongeBob’s Clash of Triton and Shuffleboarding: Two episodes also guilty of pulling stunts like this.